Amy’s Adventures

My bag is unpacked, the laundry’s done, souvenirs are unwrapped and tucked away into their new home, and photos have been downloaded and transferred to my Flickr page. But the post-trip rituals don’t stop there. No, there are many stories to tell. However, since my online connections were limited to a brief 10 minute moment in the Luxor Airport where there was only time to update my Facebook status and respond to a few tweets, I had to hold the stories until  I got out of ancient Egypt and into modern America. So for the next week or so, I’m going to focus and write about the funny, the tiring, frustrating, and educational moments in my week long visit to the cradle of Western Civilization.

My sophomore year, I had to take a Western Civ. class and somehow managed to pass with a C. It was just hard to keep up with all those pharaohs, kings, tombs, dates, discoveries and artifacts when all you’re thinking about is where you’re going out that night.  However, in my travels, I realized that through the fog of morning hangovers, I managed to absorb something from that Western Civ class 19 years ago.

My Western Civ. class retake: What I relearned in Egypt?

1. The “paint” in the tombs of Ramses, is made of stone and minerals. Red “paint” was copper. Blue “paint” was blue lapis. Yellow “paint” was limestone. This is why the colors are still so rich today and have never been restored.
2. King Tut was the youngest king at the age of 9. He died at 18.
3. The Giza Pyramids are part of the Old Kingdom and plain in decor on the inside. This changed in the New Kingdom when the kings “moved” to the Valley of the Kings and painted the inside of their tombs.
4. 85% of Egypt is Muslim. 15% are Christian.
5. The pyramid is 147 meters high. (For dumb Americans like me who can’t convert w/out an iPhone app that’s 482 feet)
6. All images of people in the reliefs have the left foot leading. This was because the left foot led to the heart.
7. Egyptian reliefs had 2-toed people, where as Greek reliefs had 5-toed people.
8. Egyptians worshiped falcons, cows and crocodiles.
9. The Middle Kingdom saw a decline in craftmanship by artists. This led to poorly crafted statues and artifacts that depicted a sadness in the eyes and mouth.
10. The French and British stole a lot of crap from the Egyptians. However, it was the French who paid to build the museum in Cairo so the Egyptians could have a place to house all the crap the French hadn’t stolen yet. Until then, it just sat around in tombs or wherever else they could find.

The carry on for international travel is an essential element in packing for long airplane rides. So as I sit in a bar drinking a beer, I contemplate what’s in my coveted carry-on to keep me occupied for 10 hours.

-Drugs - no international trip is complete w/out Lunesta to keep me sound asleep for 8 of the 10 hours
- Journal- to keep notes of the crazy people on the plane which could be good material for my book.
- Snacks- This is not Lufthansa or British Airways, so I may have to live off Mike & Ike’s for the duration.
-Long-sleeve shirt- I’m always cold so I need reinforcements.
-Underwear- Well, you just never know!
- Camera- Because I don’t trust this in my checked baggage.
- Make-up: I can buy toothpaste in Egypt, but I can’t buy Bobbi Brown cosmetics.
- iPod- Podcasts and lots of David Cook.
- Passport- I love America and want to get back.

And thanks to my travel buddy, Michelle, we have airplane bottles of Absolut to survive the dry airline of Egypt Air.

More travel tales to come.

Preparing for my Egypt adventure was nothing short of a crash course in world conversion rates for electronics. After all, who really reads the manual from your flat iron or hairdryer? 110/120V, what’s that? Well, it seems the US voltage rate is less than other parts of the world, where it’s 240V. Translation: my flat iron will not work outside the US. It seems these devices don’t even work with a power converter. A small detail I failed to recognize until I read the small print from the $40 adapter/converter I purchased on a trip to Italy 5 years ago.

I say all this all because come Wednesday when it’s time to wash and style my hair, the flat iron will be absent. It’ll be tucked away in my drawer at home, leaving me to fiend the crazy curls all alone. I apologize now for any offensive photos.

It seems my love life is much like “Godilocks and the Three Little Bears,” but instead of wandering through the forest looking for food, I’m wandering through a jungle of aging men, self-proclaimed bachelors and Peter Pan playboys. After all, Goldilocks had to try Papa Bear’s and  Mama Bear’s porridge, chair and bed before she found Baby Bear’s to be “just right.” Does that mean that my previous two loves were preparing me for the “just right” one?

Looking back, I’ve only really loved twice. And though I loved them both dearly, neither were “just right.” Let’s break it down:

Finally, the Oscars are here!  And yes, I must admit that instead of listening to today’s homily, I drifted to think about my favorite movies and the lines in them that “spoke” to me. Here’s my top 10:

10. Mommie Dearest - “No wire hangers.”

9. A Few Good Men - “He eats breakfast three hundred yards away from four thousand Cubans who are trained to kill him and no one’s going to tell him how to run his unit, least of all the Harvard mouth in his faggoty white uniform.”

8. Bridget Jones’s Diary - “The only thing worse than smug married couple; lots of smug married couples.”

7. When Harry Met Sally - “All I’m saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don’t get him first, somebody else will, and you’ll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.”

5. A Beautiful Mind - “Classes will dull your mind, destroy the potential for authentic creativity.”

4. Breakfast at Tiffany’s - “  You could always tell what kind of a person a man thinks you are by the earrings he gives you. I must say, the mind reels.”

3. Gone With the Wind - “No, I don’t think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how. ”

2. Dr. Zhivago - “Tonya! Can you play the balalaika?  Can she play? She’s an artist! Who taught you? Nobody taught her! Ah…then it’s a gift.”

1. The Sound of Music - “Where the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.”