2015 Shattered Me

2015 Shattered Me

Seven days into 2016 and I’m still reflecting on 2015. My New Year’s Eve was spent jet-lagged from three red-eyes in four days across 15 time zones, and instead of my traditional bottle of wine, I was in REM sleep before 7PM. In complete zombie mode, the only thing I wanted or could contemplate was: What time is it and is it too early to go to bed? But it seems the worst of the jet-lag is behind me and other than an earlier than normal bedtime, which is not a total bad thing, I’m mostly back to regular-programming with a clear mind to reflect on the year gone by.

My annual tradition is to select a theme song that best summarizes the year. I often find lyrics have a better way of wrapping up the year in nice four line stanzas rather than me rambling about what I did or didn’t do that was great, shitty, depending upon the year.

For 2015, Shattered, by O.A.R. seemed most appropriate. This song has been on my iPod since 2010, but somehow it popped back up into my playlist this year. When I first heard it again, I was exhausted with life, taking care of myself and being strong for myself, I was begging God for a bone, anything to show me that it won’t always be this way, but everything looked dark and I couldn’t find anything to soothe my soul, to give me hope.

So many times I had pulled myself up from my bootstraps, put the pieces together and moved forward, but this time it felt different, this time I felt irretrievably lost, unsure of everything, searching for anything–I was more than broken, I was shattered, left wondering, can I turn this around?

SHATTERED by O.A.R.

In a way, I need a change
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town
Another everything
But it’s always back to you

Stumble out, in the night
From the pouring rain
Made the block, sat and thought
There’s more I need
It’s always back to you

But I’m good without ya
Yeah, I’m good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can’t define what I’m after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I’m shattered
I always turn the car around

I had no idea that the night
Would take so damn long
Took it out, on the street
While the rain still falls
Push me back to you
But I’m good without ya
Yeah, I’m good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can’t define what I’m after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I’m shattered
I always turn the car around

Give it up, give it up, baby
Give it up, give it up, now
Now

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can’t define what I’m after
I always turn the car around
All that I feel is the realness I’m faking
Taking my time but it’s time that I’m wasting
Always turn the car around

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can’t define what I’m after
I always turn the car around

Don’t wanna turn that car around
I gotta turn this thing around

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