Amy’s Adventures

Finally, the Oscars are here!  And yes, I must admit that instead of listening to today’s homily, I drifted to think about my favorite movies and the lines in them that “spoke” to me. Here’s my top 10:

10. Mommie Dearest - “No wire hangers.”

9. A Few Good Men - “He eats breakfast three hundred yards away from four thousand Cubans who are trained to kill him and no one’s going to tell him how to run his unit, least of all the Harvard mouth in his faggoty white uniform.”

8. Bridget Jones’s Diary - “The only thing worse than smug married couple; lots of smug married couples.”

7. When Harry Met Sally - “All I’m saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don’t get him first, somebody else will, and you’ll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.”

5. A Beautiful Mind - “Classes will dull your mind, destroy the potential for authentic creativity.”

4. Breakfast at Tiffany’s - “  You could always tell what kind of a person a man thinks you are by the earrings he gives you. I must say, the mind reels.”

3. Gone With the Wind - “No, I don’t think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how. ”

2. Dr. Zhivago - “Tonya! Can you play the balalaika?  Can she play? She’s an artist! Who taught you? Nobody taught her! Ah…then it’s a gift.”

1. The Sound of Music - “Where the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.”

I didn’t  realize I’d miss the winter Olympics so much. Not so much that I love winter sports, but because watching world-class athletes fall on their ass is more entertaining than what’s typically offered on Monday nights. Namely, The Bachelor.

I hate this show and only watch so I can bitch about it and yell at the TV, “you’re sooooo stupid!.”

Yes, I”m cynical and I don’t believe in overnight, I want to live with you forever kind of love. It just doesn’t happen that way. What irritates me more is ABC’s obligatory request for future Bachelor/Bachelorette submissions. During each episode they advertise, “if you’d like to be the next Bachelor send us your submission.” This must be some kind of legal requirement because it seems each time a new Bachelor or Bachelorette is announced their just recycled old contestants.

Case in point:
Jake, Bachelor #14,  dumped by Jillian in Bachelorette  #5

Jason, Bachelor #13 dumped by Deanna in Bachelorette, #4

Trista, Bachelorette #1,  dumped by 1st bachelor, Alex

Meredith, Bachelorette,#3, dumped by Bob

Jen, Bachelorette #3, dumped by Firestone dude

Deanna, Bachelorette #4,  dumped by Brad

Jillian, Bachelorette #5, dumped by dad, Jason

Please ABC, I beg you cancel this show!!!

Easter, circa 1978. I hated this dress!

Like every other little girl in 1976 I wanted to be Dorothy Hamill. Unfortunately, the closest I ever got to being women’s figure skating Olympic champion was this haircut. I begged for lessons and tried to convince my mom that my dance costumes could do double duty on the ice.

There were just a few problems with my plan. There weren’t many rinks in NC and it rarely snowed more than 2 inches. Simply, NC was not a haven for winter sport athletes. After all, why would you want to be a figure skater when you could be a little league cheerleader?

I was confident. Despite the fact that I had never been on skates, I knew I was a skating prodigy waiting to be break loose. After all, I could pull my head through my legs and do Cirque-Solie things with my body.

Well, we all know how this story ended. I didn’t become Olympic Figure Skating Champion. My six year old ambition wasn’t enough.  I moved on, and yes made the cheerleading squad on my first try. Yeah, for me. I learned to yell loud and wave poms poms on cue. I guess yelling out loud was my gift.

Initially, I was very weary of following the winter Olympics after I had already medaled in the DC snowpocalypse of 2010. Yet I found myself choosing men’s figure skating over Carolina basketball. This year, this is not a hard decision and fortunately, the winter gods have given me a diversion from this atrocious basketball season. My diversion: men’s figure skating. Typically, I hate men’s figure skating. Mostly it’s their costumes and music that turn me off. Men in sequins skating around to music that can push a bipolar person over the edge is not my idea of sport.

Nevertheless, I tuned in to watch the USA versus Russia drama. By now we all know how that turned out and everyone outside Russia agrees the Russian dude is just a poor sport. However, what no one is talking about is how Evan Lysacek looks a lot like the kid from Ugly Betty.

Evan Lysacek, 2010 Gold Medalist

Mark Indelicato from Ugly Betty

As the snow is falling again inside the DC beltway, we’re appealing to a higher power for no more snow!