Amy’s Adventures

Typically, July’s my favorite month of the year. Something about heat, humidity and it being too hot to do anything productive makes me happy. Yet this year, I’ve been in funk that I can’t seem to shake. There’s been a lot in my head and a lot going on, but nothing going anywhere. One day it’s this and the next day it’s that. I just can’t focus or make any decisions. Inside, I feel I need answers to move forward with something, but I don’t know what that something is.

Today, however, as I pounded the treadmill, the answer came through the shuffle on my ipod: “Let it Be.” See it seems I’ve been beating myself up when all I needed to do was to “let it be.” Now, I’m not a Beatles fan, and the version I do have is from Brooke White (AI),however, I must  give credit to the “words of wisdom” from the four British amigos.  So for the moment, I’ve resolved to let it be.

“LET IT BE”

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, …..

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, …..

Two-hundred thirty-four years ago today, 56 white men signed the Declaration of Independence. Today, women are dominating the business world, gaining political clout and breaking the traditional stereotypes of submissive, wife, mother and homemaker.

The urban dictionary defines an independent woman as ” a woman who pays her own bills, buys her own things, and DOES NOT allow a man to affect her stability or self-confidence. She supports her self on her own entirely and is proud to be able to do so.”

So instead of honoring the old, dead, white guys I opted to honor a few ladies, who at least for me, exemplify the spirit of an independent woman.

1. Sandra Bullock - You cheat and we’re done.  She doesn’t mess around and is confident enough in herself to adopt a kid, leave you and start over, alone.

2. Demi Moore- The cougar matriarch who achieved success with her own name, talent and skills, then found a guy who didn’t care and wasn’t ashamed that he hadn’t yet done it all.

3. Oprah - She’s got Stedman and doesn’t need a marriage certificate to validate the relationship.

4. Jane Austen-  An independent woman way before her time. Despite being a Brit, she didn’t succumb to the traditions of marriage for which were expected of her, but instead followed her passion for writing. She showed them and is one of the most beloved authors of English literature.

5. Elizabeth I - Another Brit, but she kicked a lot of male ass during her reign and shaped Britain into the country it is today. She committed herself to country and said to hell with men. A strategy that paid off well for the UK.

Who did I miss?

No matter if you’re waist-high in debt, your house is upside down or you hate your job, but stay out of fear you won’t find another one that offers you four weeks of vacation, the economy sucks.

I’m just hanging on. I haven’t made it big with my blog ramblings and though I still have my book to write, which will probably lead to a liable suit from my ex-boyfriend in which all profits I do make will go to my legal team; I’m not banking on that to bail me out of recession Hell, just jail!

I’m one of the underemployed and work diligently to pick up projects here there and everywhere. Yes, I even sometimes refer to myself as the “job whore” and I often wonder how low I will go to maintain my modest inside the beltway lifestyle. It got me thinking about all the jobs I had from high school to graduate school. Could I go back?

My strategy early on in my career was “I can always do this, whatever “this” was to survive.” Yet, today, I look back and wonder could I:

• Wait tables. Answer: No. Seriously, waiting tables is a gift.  People that can balance 10 glasses of tea on a small round tray while smiling and taking the tables food order without ever writing anything down is a talent that would win them Miss America. This is not me.
• Bank Teller. Answer: No. Despite the fact that I could NEVER balance my drawer, today,  this job is all about selling bank services. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate to sell? Selling and math, this is a deadly combination for my career.
• Retail. Answer: Maybe, but leaning no. My stint at World Bazaar in college was a successful one. I learned to make kick-ass red velvet Christmas bows for which I’m still called upon to do every now and again. Unfortunately, today’s retail is more about persuading customers to apply for a credit card they don’t need to get 10% off clothes they can’t afford to buy anyway. I just can’t be a part of the American debt cycle. Although the discount is very tempting.
• HR. Answer: Maybe.  A very successful career tract for nearly 8 years. HR is also a talent or for some a calling. I fell into it and managed to become pretty good at it. I learned a lot about people, organizational politics and legal loopholes. I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything, and I often rely on my HR experience to help me in other aspects of life. Being in HR you develop a thick skin and see the dark side of people and organizations, but could I go back? Maybe. It’s exhausting and thankless work that wore me down.  It’s a case-by-case basis.

So it looks like I’ll keep moving ahead, looking for new challenges and new projects that bring out something new in me.  It seems that if I go back, I’d be doing just that, “going back.” And well, that’s not me.

High school, college graduation, first boyfriend, first heartbreak, first car, marriage and kids are all rites of passage most Americans manage through or for some suffer through. Growing up, however, I never questioned that I wouldn’t partake of these standard, yet extraordinary rites of passage. Dare I say that I felt entitled to experience each rite of passage?

Lately, I’ve come to realize that these age-defining moments are not to be assumed. Nope. I’ve come to accept that kids, at least those that derive from my womb just may not happen. It’s a struggle many single-women in their 30’s must face and ultimately accept. We accept that the odds for us conceiving, giving birth and having someone call us mom is not in our favor. Yes, I still believe in Godly interventions and miracles, but the realist in me accepts that I will become the real life statistic that women after the age of 35 have a better chance of being hijaked by a terroist than bear new life, therfore, we begin to visualize our life kid-free. A rite of liberation where I’ve discovered that my life can be just as fullfulling without strollers, car seats and car pools.

What is this life you ask? It’s trips to Fiji, Thailand or wherever else my heart desires. It’s using my savings on a facelift at 50 rather than private school tuition. It’s knowing that at 60 I can buy that 2nd house on the beach without worrying if my kid will go to college or become a student of the world. It’s avoiding the inevitable that your kid will at some point in life hate you, hopefully for only their teenage years, and if they do decide to like you again, then it’s probably comes at the same time they leave.

At this point in my life I just don’t see the purpose. After all, God knows best and there’s a reason women are more fertile in their 20’s–they’re young and naive. Women on the outskirts of their child-bearing years just ask the questions, “why” “for what?” We’ve lived life alone, child-free and see that our lives can be just as rich, dare I say, richer without dirty diapers and birthday parties.

All this, selfish, maybe, but liberating, yes!

Stefan and Damon Salvatore know chivalry

It took two years post-Twilight for the vampire craze to bite me, but now I’m just as giddy for vampires as a 14 year girl waiting in line for the first showing of New Moon. My guilty pleasure; however is not for Bella and Edward, but the Salvatore brothers of The Vampire Diaries. It seems these boys, men in vampire years, know a thing or two about chivalry.

Chivalry in case you’ve forgotten is courtesy, honor and gallantry toward a woman. Qualities the Salvatore brothers mastered in the 18th century before they were turned into vampires. Qualities that despite their lust for blood and endless journey through 160 years of history are still very much in tact.

I think it’s the chivalrous charm of these brothers that’s turned me into an all out vampire groupie.  See, it’s chivalry we’re missing today. Not only are we missing it, women are craving it. And though the media wants men to believe that women want it all… the hidden secret is that women just want to be protected, taken care of, and treated with respect.

Feminism, technology, informality whatever else you want to throw in the mix has turned women, or at least me, into accepting that chivalry is an urban myth. It’s sad, but true. Men today are clueless, and fail miserably at any attempt of chivalry. This is not about opening doors for women, it’s about respect, boundaries and I’ll say it again, protection!