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Why I Don’t Care if I Suck

Why I Don’t Care if I Suck

Since I lost my job in January, I’ve made a very conscience effort to write. Not writing for publication, at least not yet, but just to write anything and everything that inspires me. Or just to put all the crazy things that come into my head onto paper.  

I started my initial writing process in sort of a serendipitous way of just journaling out my day. It amazed me that people were actually reading the random thoughts I was putting out there. And so, I was encouraged me to keep doing it, which evolved into doing some more writing for my new business venture and then to be a volunteer blogger at The Secrets of the Job Hunt. But what I enjoy most is sharing the random things I encounter on any given day.

Writing is not always easy for me, and some days I beat myself up on voice, structure and tone. I say to myself: “Will this piss anyone off?” “Does this make sense?” The big daddy of them all and the one that scares me away from writing is “You’re not good enough.” I read a lot of blogs and I fall into the trap of comparing my stuff to theirs.  I’m constantly fighting the voice of self-doubt telling me that everybody else’s stuff is better than yours.  Oh, I hate that voice and every day I fight to shut it up. “Leave me alone,” I scream.

Yet, recently it dawned on me that if I suck: I no longer care! There’s always going to be someone out there that’s better than me. In school there were those that were better than me in math, biology and Spanish, and in life there’s going to be people better at corporate politics and yes, in writing than I am. What I know now that I didn’t know in school and even a few years ago, that to be good at anything it takes practice. I don’t think I would’ve ever been a good pianist, even with practice, but maybe if I had started writing at 15 rather than 33 I’d be a better writer today.

I can’t change the past, but I can move towards the future. Today, the important thing is that I’m writing. Some days I write crap. I know this and yet I still write. Some days I just don’t have the juices, but I force myself to put it out there. Other days, I have an idea in my head and spend insane amounts of time getting the right angle, word choice, blah, blah. It’s not easy.  

But what I’ve discovered and what’s liberated me from those difficult days and evil voices, is that I don’t care if you think my writing sucks. Why? Because I’m doing what most I know aren’t, I’m putting myself out there. I’m taking risks in sharing the inner thoughts of my mind, the crazy things I encounter and what bugs me. It’s a process of self-discovery that I’ve decided to open up to my friends. If you want to join me on the ride I’m happy to share.